Election Official's Night Before Christmas

ELECTION OFFICIAL'S NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

By: J. Patrick Kelly

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a computer mouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that no recall petitions would be there;

The employees were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of recounts danced in their heads;

And ma in her kerchief, and I in my cap,

Had just settled down with a hot toddy and our big furry cat,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter!

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters, and threw out the trash.

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow

Gave the luster of a lobbyist all warm and aglow,

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,

But a slick politician with an entourage of reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

I knew in an instance he was up to some trick.

More rapid than eagles his courses they came,

And he whistled and shouted and called them by name;

“Now Press Corps! Now Publicists! Now Focus Groups all!

Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,

Down the chimney came the politician with a bound!

He was dressed all in fur and diamond and rings;

And his clothes were all polished and his teeth were so clean!

No bundle of toys were flung on his back,

It was easy to tell he was a political flack!

A wink of his eye and a twist of head,

Soon gave me to know I had a lot to dread.

He spoke many words and went straight to work,

Insuring that his message was full of all sorts of quirks.

He demanded his party lists and his precincts like loot,

But he let out a howl when the dog bit his boot!

He threw me his campaign finance forms with flourish and glee,

He knew he had all the money washed carefully.

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And with a spin of his head, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his limo, to his PR team gave a whistle,

And they all flew away like the down of a thistle.

And I heard him exclaim as through the Midnight he flew,

“Trust me dear Voters, I’m here to help you!”

Copyright 2010

What a difference a week makes!

The Baltimore County Republican Central Committee took some time to get organized. After three meetings in four weeks, they seemed to find their sea legs and get down to business.

The first meeting got off on the wrong foot.

The next meeting was, well, something.

On Monday, December 6, 2010, though, things were different. First was the pre-meeting meeting of the Lincoln/Reagan Dinner Planning Committee. What do you think?

In the meeting that followed, everybody focused on doing business. See?

They finished quickly and were joined by the 42nd District Republican Club, many party activists and elected officials for a Holiday Celebration.

Throughout, all doors, if not minds, were wide open.

Next stop - MDGOP Convention!

Signs of the Times

During two of the last three weeks, my wife and I were visiting the panhandle of Alaska and the Pacific Northwest.

During visits to four Alaskan communities during the two weeks preceding the primary election, we saw a total of one political campaign sign. That sign, attached to the second floor façade of a home on a hill in Ketchikan, was the size of a standard yard sign. We had to look up to see it! It was for the incumbent U.S. Senator, Lisa Murkowski.

Last week, we travelled through Washington, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming and Utah. Travelling east to west across Washington over two days, we saw three yard signs. Their primary election was that week.

Idaho was bereft of political signs, as was Montana. No signs were evident in Utah, either. I am betting Brigham disapproved.

Wyoming had the mother lode, it seems. On one vacant corner of an intersection of two six-lane roads, in what claimed to be a town, there were as many as ten signs ranging in size from yard size to 4X8. Then, in Afton, a town of 100 homes, there was a sign in the window of a store.

There was an archway over Main Street that purports to be constructed of more elk antlers that any other arch on the world, and one political sign. We were there on Wednesday, one entire day after the statewide primary, so we figured everyone running for office had travelled across the state and collected all the signs after the polls closed on Tuesday.

That’s plausible, isn’t it?